Well - I decided to go with the Girls (Catherine and Alex and another friend Graham) to start my BG training (at long last) - BIG mistake - all I have done is demorralised myself and even want to give up running altogether let alone do anything big. I think I am not good at running in a team or a group - I am always playing catch up and I can't stand it - last year all my best runs were by myself, at my pace on my terms. I must be the only person in the world that gets worse not better when their friends are just ahead! I dropped out after 4 hours of hell - oh yeah and it was very very very windy - we got blown off our feet going up Helvelin, it is not easy trying to hold your hat on with frozen fingers whilst holding onto the rocks to keep you attached to the Earth!
Maybe I am not ready for a BG yet - or am I just not ready to train at someone else pace? My head needs a good sort out and my body needs a transplant - or is it the other way round - my head needs a transplant and my body needs sorting. Why can't I do it - I love hills and I couldn't even get up the first one (we were doing leg 2 in a clockwise way so Threlkeld up to Clough Head and on to Dunmail). All I wanted to do was cry and I was on the hills - I should have just been having a good time cos I was out in the lakes - I don't understand not having fun - it was worse than the emotions on Tour du Mont Blanc - that I could understand - this I cannot - may be all I needed was a hug but I couldn't catch one up!!! Next time I am taking the hugs in my pocket and reccying by myself - mind you the next two sections look really complicated!!! My map has sqiggles all over it now!
Well at least writing about it has cheered me up - even going out biking today didn't help me - I seem to have swapped my legs muscles for lead muscles - it is like dragging lumps of concrete up the hills - and the usual wine afterwoods hasn't helped either - just couldn't be bothered with it - what has happened to me?
Depressed of Team Run Like a Lump of Concrete
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i was doing exactly the same thing this weekend-it was certainly 'exhilarating' on the tops! half the battle with this long distance stuff is in the mind, but i'm sure you know that. it's ok to have an off day once in a while :)
ReplyDeletei feel for you i really do. i now know why i didnt see you at the hobble (but thats another tale). as kate says we get these days but like you i prefer my own pacing and not bothering about other peoples (faster or slower). look on the tiny bit of brightside...its miles/time in the bank...thats no bad thing. keep your pecker up you're a really good ultrarunner now. believe!!!
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